Mama Biyi lived in the UK with her husband for many years. Whilst in the UK, she worked whilst he studied. They scrimped and saved to build a house in Ibadan to live in when they move back home. Every single pound she made was spent on her husband’s education, the upkeep of the family and the house. When they did move back to Nigeria; her husband married another wife and moved into the house in Ibadan with the wife. Mama Biyi was left in Lagos to live in a low- cost flat she had bought. My opinionated mum said she died of heartbreak; leaving her six children motherless. I think she died of depression.
Frankie Sandford is beautiful, talented, and wholesome with an enviable lifestyle. She is the girl friend of Wayne Bridge, a hot premier league footballer. She is part of the girl group; The Saturdays, a popular girl band in the UK. However, beneath the beautiful exterior of glossy hair, the to die for wardrobe, the dream job and the rich footballer boyfriend, Frankie has been suffering from depression for over eight years. She was hospitalised late last year and the gossip mills went into an overdrive.
“Depression is a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason”. There are many people, all different ages, who suffer from depression; some worse than others. According to the Office of National Statistics (ONS), depression occurs in 10% of the population at any one time. Or look at it this way: the average twitter handle has 100 followers, so, at least 10 of your followers could be suffering from depression. A survey conducted in the UK claimed depression affects one in six of us, I hear you, “I reject that in Jesus name”; #cosign. However, rejecting it will not help, talking about it the way we should, is the way forward. Growing up in Nigeria, depression was just a slang we used for when you are down especially when you are broke. Depression was not an illness. People who suffered from mental health illness were “barking mad”, there was no grey area. There is still a stigma and discrimination attached to mental health illness. This is not peculiar to Nigeria but countries as developed as the UK are battling with this too.
I am more likely to discuss my sex life or PMS with my friends than mention that I’m feeling down. For argument’s sake, let’s say I do. Let me guess the answer, “you are too idle, you need to get busy”. Or “what have you got to be depressed about?”. In the Nigerian context, you would be deemed as ungrateful to your Maker, if you are overly down or sad especially if your life seems ‘perfect’. Most especially if there is no apparent reason to feel depressed. Depression can be compounded by guilt and low self-esteem; individuals might believe they have no right to feel that way. They tend to put on a brave face for the world to see. Depression is like the British weather; sunshine and showers. One can be bubbly and alive one minute; upset and teary the next. A doctor said it is like having asthma: it’s something you have; it’s not going to go away.
We all experience low mood from time to time; money worries, family issues, job stress, relationship woes etc. However, when this low mood continues for over two weeks, or you lose interest in the activities you normally enjoy, then something is not right. Medical science is yet to ascertain the main cause of it. Some claimed there may be a chemical imbalance in the brain. Others said it may have been triggered by a life event that is hard to get over. However, it seems depression does not need a reason to “occupy” someone’s life. I feel low sometimes but I guess before it turns into depression, my chatterbox nature plus my credit cards put me on the mend.
On a serious note, please talk about it if that emptiness and inertia refuses to go. A trusted friend is a good way to start. It might be hard especially if you are used to keeping things to yourself. On the other hand, if someone opens up to you, please don’t brush them off because that would make them uncomfortable. Listen actively, tell them you are there for them and mean it. Also, exercise has been said to have a positive impact on mood. You don’t have to join a gym; basic ones like walking, running and cycling can do the job. Healthy eating improves mental health. Looking after you when in that abyss of darkness can be hard but it is important to make an effort.
I’m hitting the shops; I think writing about this is affecting my mood. It is called retail therapy and I shall be blogging about it.
For more help and advice, these websites are great:
I find myself always asking why “why am i so tired?”. I realize i get more and more agiated over the small stuff, and the things that used to make me happy are getting fewer and fewer. I find myself asking “why so downcast oh my soul, put your trust in God”, but realize its not a faith/trust issue, just a depressing mood feeling. I have recently made a decision to start taking vitamins, its one thing Africans lack, and I am about to review my diet. Depression is real, and its not a respecter of persons.
Thanks for this, more enlightenment is needed in this area. Most people find it hard to talk about but it’s real. Be careful, deal with it before it deals with you and everyone around you. Thanks Tope.
this issue is a major source of concern, most especially for people down here in 9ja, the living standard has made so many to carry unseen burden which ultimately lead to depressed minds roaming the streets. most people also find it unnecessary to visit counselling experts on issues and will rather bear this burden. enough enlightenment should be carried out and people shd be made to know dat dis is a killer of so many people, infact, i think i av been thinking too much lately sef, i have head ache and not just a oneoff tin, consistent one, let me go get some expert advice, abeg
Depression ke? Na white man disease. 9ja no dey get am. Lol.
Nice write up Yemisi.
Very educative piece. You’re saving lives with this. God bless you
God bless you for this! Touched a nerve..I know close people battling with it and the fact that it is not recognised as ‘real’ in some places is in itself sad. How would people know to deal with issues they do not know even exist? Some go around thinking they are just weird and it compounds their problem. Mental issues do not know race or tribes. Also people who take joy in bullying others and being mean need to know realise the damage they cause when talking at people with mental issues. Help others. Thanks for raising awareness
Beautiful topic to write on. Now I catch @zebbook’s drift about ‘glasses’. I use glasses as well (winks). Depression is real and weaving it’s way into our lives. Most sufferers of depression are scared of talking to people about their condition (it is hard understanding) and would rather talk to themselves which in turn lead to maniac/suicidal tendencies (remember Gary Speed). If only everyone had someone they could trust and talk to when feeling down the world would be better off for it and depression could be greatly minimised.
Thumbs up for u!Most ppl don’t like to talk abt stuffs cos they feel its not right to tell ppl stuffs concerning dem.And that is where depression starts from.We need to learn to speak out most esp.women.
Oh Tope! This is very enlightening. You’re so on point about our attitude to depression in Nigeria. From now on, I promise to listen more. Thanks for this.
Thank you for this article. Depressed people often talk about being in a “dark place”, it is hard to imagine what that is. Often times there is nothing one can say to pull them out. Another risk to watch out for is suicidal tendencies, they can tilt at any time, It is something to be taken very seriously however minor you may think the cause of the depression is.
now tope this is brilliant, depression is real and thanks for sharing.
Good one. When I get that feeling, I cry some, then talk to a friend who listens to my gibberish all the time, may be cry some more, then I talk to God, walk till i’m fagged out or watch an exciting movie
Thank you so much *Giving you a big hug* High time someone talked about this. We Nigerians are so used to putting up a brave face and pretending all is well. Being depressed is okay as long as you take the right steps to get out of it.
very professionally written.
stay excited!!!
Very well said lol @i reject it IJN plus it’s called retail therapy…
ohhhh, this site is actually nice, there was a day i find myself suffing the net for what depression means and how it affects a lot of people, i never knew i was suffering from it too, but thank God i was enlightening about a lot of things concerning depression that people tend to ignore without knowing.
Nice piece. Depression exist bt we hate to think we depressed. Recognising is one thing ♠nd sharing it is another. ΨђåƮ baffles •̸Ϟﻉ is that does feeling scared most times without a particular reason also fall into this situation?
Well, for a perennial patient of depression, I found this lifting and helpful. I have read so much about depression, but it feels better reading about it from a friend, much more comforting. Just as you said, exercises are a good way of keeping scourge at bay whenever it comes calling, I have found jogging to be very effective. I can rant on and on and on about it. Thanks so much for this, you’ve touched many souls with it.
By the way, whats PMS? Premium Motor Spirit?
Depression in the African (Nigerian)context is just an issue(a period of setbacks)-conversely, its nothing to dwell on one has to confront it,Fight your way out of it.It is rather unfortunate that,there is no support net work out there & most importantly,individual’s approach to it matters.
Thanks for this,i have learnt alot from it
Depression is life sucking, I use to experience deep and intense depression one time or the other, I would face the mirror and talk to myself.
I just knew I couldn’t continue that way, in my mid 30s and the grey hairs kept increasing.I just had to snap out of it which I did, and started talking about issues with people that I know would help and advice me positively.
Also is good to divert our attention to some other productive things.
When we talk, we get better.
Tope lovely piece.
Tope, a beautiful piece that is entertaining, educative and therapeutic as publishing it would have helped some sufferers to share the problem; and problem shared is half solved – at least you are assured you are not alone in it!. Well done.