“Mum, mum, I’m really so happy”. That was Toni my 7 year old even though she’s spent the better part of the morning crying over some irrelevancies. So I asked her, why is that Toni? My teacher said I am on level 3 in my SATs and she said I’m not allowed to tell till I get my school report. I feigned enthusiasm and said well done to her. Now to some confession, I still find it hard to work out the school assessments of children here in the UK. I’m so used to positions like we used to have back in Nigeria. It makes life so easy as you are able to work out a child’s capabilities. So I got to work and googled “assessments in primary schools in the UK”.
This is what I got in layman’s language: “SATs ( Standard Assessment Tests) are given in May, and are used to show your child’s progress compared with their peers”. At Key Stage 1, 7 year olds take their SATs in Year 2. Most children are expected to achieve level two. Llevel 2 is however, divided into A, B and C with A being the highest. Level 3 is beyond expectations so my dear Toni has gone beyond expectations. The confusing part is that a year 4 pupil i.e a 9 year old is expected to be on level 3. Now, Tito is 9 years old and she is on level 3a. She is regarded as one of the best in her class. I need a confused smiley face here!!!!
Toni is very studious and helpful. She strives to get it right and will keep at it till she does. Don’t get me wrong she’s a typical 7 year old with tantrums and can be bossy. Her sister on the other hand is very like me. She has nonchalant attitude towards everything. She reads anything and everything. She hates housework. She hates Maths but I know she can exceed beyond the expected if she puts her mind to it. Growing up, my momma always compared me and my sisters. How I hated it!!!! My elder sister was and still is miles apart from me. She is quiet, reserved with very few friends. Shall I describe myself? The exact opposite, and mum always said why can’t you be like your sister? Er…I can’t because she’s Funmi and I’m Tope that’s why.
Tito, why can’t you be as studious as Toni? My point? Kids are not the same….though they are from the same parents. Saying that, theoretically it is easy to say but quite hard in practice not to compare and want them to be the same. I still make that mistake of comparing one to the other especially the good traits, I am only human. But, I constantly remind myself that they are not the same. I intend to work very hard to maximise each child’s potentials.
Toni however, wants to be a chef while Tito wants to be a dancer so help me God!!!!! Did I add like NEVER!!!!!
Another real life, simple and straight to the point article. May God give you and your husband the wisdom and resources needed to bring them up.
Nothing wrong with being a chef or dancer….lol….just make sure they are the best at anything they do.
Wonderful children….. I really can’t wait to see them…
Wow! A chef and a dancer! Now that’s something. I enjoyed reading this again like many others. I love children. I particularly love following the trend as they grow. May God continue to grant you the grace to raise them in the best way possible. Cheers!
This is so real and representative of what goes on in my home and I daresay most homes. For starters, why are the second babies so much sprite-lier (pardon my coinage)? My personal limited experience with my friends and family shows that second kids (boy or girl) pack more than a good punch themselves. What’s up with that?
Per the write-up, the title of this subject-matters captures it all: “Same, but still Different”
On the academic side of things, I would say find a way to keep a ‘Nigerian eye’ on things. I found that the UK system is good but has been quite experimental in the last 15 years. I know they will get it in the end (as they tend to usually) but we don’t want to be guinea pig victims of their tinkerings. For instance, SATs really isn’t an assessment of the child, but an assessment of the efficiency of the educational/learning system. The kids are not even supposed to know they are being ‘assessed’. There are a few more complications so yes, I identify with your uncertainty as to how the system works. So no matter their measurement systems, just keep a good naija mum’s’ eye out
Per the kids’ career paths, heavens help us! I am sure Tito will make a beautiful dancer. She must have had lots of practice with mum!! I also look forward to eating Toni’s creations too; you can join us if you like, hehe… My dear, let me assure you, you are not alone. One of my ones when asked what she would like to be has told us that in her time, people would do different jobs on different days so on mondays and wednesdays she would be an astronaut, on tuesdays and thursdays, she would be an artist and on fridays only she would be a nurse. I resorted to trying to convince her to at least do same job 2 days back-to-back – keep it tidy. She’s said no because that would be boring. You see my situation?
God bless all the kids!!
As strange as it sounds now, it may not be too much of an unachievable feat in a lot of years to come.
What DK’s girl is talking about is actually now…. more so in 9ja. Most people do everything …the default answer is YES…supply, demand, import, export etc… u know how we do it
. However hopefully her generation will take it to the next level….where competence not greed will be the determinant.
Tope has managed to deliver yet again… succinct and precise, yet punchy. My take however is that role modelling a sibling is fine…while comparing is wrong. However, if both personality types and styles are achieving results then you needn’t role model…just enable….from experience you don’t have to worry bout career choices before they take a levels…..it usually goes through several iterations…
Beautiful and straight from the heart….we still make those comparisons…lol! We grow up sometimes to be just like our parent. Great kids with good dreams. Pls let them soar.
Lovely and real… Mummy Tope pls try not to compare them tho. I remember crying when either parents compared me with my siblings… But am sure they will make you proud
they both are unique in personality and in thinking. I’ll advise u pattern their thought process in their interests now it is early. Congratulations all the same dear. They’ll make u proud.
Nice!, Very nice and insightful. Prepares me for what to expect with my Toni, all I can say right now is that she is more of an extrovert who doesn’t get tired, with a good dose of mischief.
You’re mum in a billion for thinking this way.Most parents tends to compare their children and just shoot down the child.This is a great piece
I guess the UK’s system of assessment is meant to reduce feelings of inadequacy aka “olodo” mentality; I guess it has its advantages especially psychologically. Your kids sound lovely. All the best in keeping up with them.
Great, awesome!!! i cant wait for the next,and the next, and the next, and the next……………………………….
Tope you are truly blessed. Two boys of my own and the importance of letting eahc child be an individual and to travel his own road 9with guidance and support of course) cannot be over emphasized. Bottom line is, whatever thier hands find to do, may God give them the capability to do it well. Keep it up mom!
aww… she wants to dance? please let her!
)) you’ve got lovely girls. YES!! i remember how very different you and Funmi are. hahaha! you be like Funmi (or vice versa) NEVER!
Lovely write up and so real life. I pray that God Almigty will give you the wisodm you need to appreciate their uniqueness and guide both of them to greatness.
All Mums are guily o of comparing kids. Pray the Lord help us so they be what they are created to be. I suppose at the end of the day we just want them to do well in life and be achievers. Well done Toni. Am a proud aunt. Na me you resemble. Lol
Straight to the point. There’s that bit of individuality in us all even as members of the same unit (family in this case). Enlightening again, as folks like me prepare for parenthood. Big ups sis
It’s awesome how each child is created unique, with their own special purpose to fulfil. It’s great that you recognise this, may you receive wisdom and strength to parent each one accordingly! As to the UK educational system, like DK said, “keep a Naija mum eye” on things for sure! They sound like delightful young ladies!
I had always wondered why my boys Damilola, 6 and Damilare, 3 were so different. Why is Damilola not a bit like Damilare is some ways and why is Damilare not a bit like Damilola in other ways?
Until I began to appreciate their uniqueness, I was always troubled by this thought. Now I am at peace with their idiosyncrasies
But what disturbed me most about them now are their heroes. While Damilola’s hero is Ben-10, Damilare is fascinated by Spider-man. I thought I, as their father, should be their hero. Am I being unrealistic? How am I suppose to come to term with the fact that my children heroes are not real but cartoon characters?
Please H-E-L-P me oh God!!!
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