Tag Archives: Bible

Deafening Silence

Posted by topeolowu on

So I sat down to think
To think of all I said
All I could take back
All I wish I never said
And all I can hear is
Deafening silence

Sometimes in life
Some words are better unspoken
A bridled tongue the bible calls it
But we itch to say these words
Because not saying them will haunt
If only we can just kill the itch
But it’s too late now
Because all I can hear is
Deafening silence

I hear you even with the noise
I see you even in the dark
I feel you even though you are far away
I touch your hurt
And I want to take back the pain
But all I can hear is
Deafening silence

We want the Cheese

Posted by topeolowu on


Image copyright: young-germany.de

“What are you doing?” I asked my daughters, Tito and Toni”.
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“Mum, we are trying to get cheese from the fridge and we didn’t want to disturb you, Toni replied”.
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“Is this how you get stuff from the fridge? I said”
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“Yes mummy, we have been doing that for a while now. It is team work and we don’t need to disturb you, Tito reaffirmed”.
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I bet you are wondering what this is all about. I am not trying to write a review of the book,’Who moved the Cheese’; I am just trying to paint a scenario of a day in our house. On this particular day, I had come into the sitting room to find Tito on all floors at the foot of the fridge. Her sister, Toni climbed on her to get the cheese out of the fridge for them to eat with bread. Our fridge freezer is over 7 feet high (I think, you all know I’m rubbish at Maths) and each time the girls wanted anything in it, they either call me to get it or they use a dinning chair. They probably didn’t use the chair because it is quite heavy.

So imagine me on a very tiring day being called to get something from the fridge. I would probably have said “use the chair” or “is it really important?” Hence the need for team work of going on all fours while one climbs on the other’s back to get whatever it is they wanted. Proverb 6:6 says “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise”. I don’t want to assume that we all know about Proverbs. Errrm….the Book of Proverbs is in the Holy book, the Bible. So I want to look at about three lessons that I learnt from this hitherto simple act by my girls.

The first lesson is about team work as Tito said. The girls clearly understand the importance of working together to achieve a desired result. Imagine if Tito refused to go on all fours or if Toni refused to climb her back because she is scared of falling over? They would probably be asking me to get things out of the fridge every single time which I tell you I will definitely not be heeding to. I have more important things to do than be on call for fridge duties. In a football game, let’s assume there is a goal kick from the keeper. He decided to kick the ball into the midfield and after a bit of tip tap, there is a goal. Now the goal is celebrated, say Lampard scored it (I can hear you dissing my club!!). Does that take away the hard work by other team members? Can you imagine John Terry complaining that he has the dirty work of keeping attackers at bay? How are you shaping team work in your church, school, work, home, marriage or relationship? In as much as your boss is the one that would be commended for a job well done but does that take away your contribution? Are you that person that would rather do things your way because you are so static and refused to be flexible? Nothing is set in stones; the ability to work with others better improves you as a person and makes you achieve the desired results. Of course, we cannot all be in the limelight. Messi is unquestionably the best footballer in the world, but would he be without a Pique, Xavi or Iniesta?
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The second lesson is about trust. The girls demonstrated complete trust in each other. Tito who was on all fours trusted that Toni will be getting the cheese they agreed on and not ham. In my football analogy, Mikel Obi who passed to Lampard puts his trust in him that he would at least attempt a shot on target. Now, imagine if Lampard misused the opportunity? (Passed it to a Van Persie?) Ok let’s move on. I know life and people have dealt us a lot of knocks and kicks that human trust is virtually gone. However, to achieve our objectives and goals as a team, human trust is still very much a pre-requisite…..

The final lesson is Tito and Toni got what they wanted, the cheese against all odds. The girls wanted cheese and they refused to let their height, in proportion to the fridge freezer’s stand in their way. I wanted a Master’s degree and working full-time with two children under 4 at that time was not sufficient enough excuses to stand in my way. Living in London and schooling in Birmingham was not sufficient enough to stand in my way. You are still looking for that bank job 3 years after graduation and you blame the government for standing in your way. You want to start your own business, and you let lack of enough capital stand in your way? Think again….
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What is that thing standing in your way from getting your cheese? Think outside the box; scratch that, think as if there is no box and reach out to get your cheese.

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What if he beats me?

Posted by topeolowu on

                                                    Image copyright mentalhealth4muslims.com

Women’s Aid defined domestic violence as ‘a physical, sexual, psychological or financial violence that takes place within an intimate or family-type relationship and that forms a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour’. This can include forced marriage and so-called ‘honour crimes’. Domestic violence  may include a range of abusive behaviours, not all of which are in themselves inherently ‘violent’.  I’ve decided to start off with a definition of domestic violence for a clearer perspective of how I want to approach the issue. I am very conversant with domestic violence. I’ve read about it, been on different trainings about it and I’ve seen one of my closest friend go through it.

However, I pondered on this question; What if domestic violence happens to me as Tope? What if Tunde turns into a monster and decides he wants to use me as a punching bag to build up his biceps? What if my marriage is a prison with 52 inch television? Would I pretend it’s not happening and recoil into my shell? That would tell the world all is not well because I don’t do shells. I announce my arrival!!!! Would I pack my bags and run for dear life? Would I just pray all will be well because the world, well my part of the world frowns on divorce cum separation? Talking about praying, would I just pray for divine intervention as a Christian? Or would I use my initiative and flee all appearances of evil as the Bible admonishes?

These are the questions that I’ve had to subject myself to. This is because when I read the story of the unloved girl written from the grave, my first thought was foolish girl, I bet he will remarry while you are still warm in the grave. However, I’ve come to realise that it is easy to make assumptions. Yeah, I know it is the least level of knowledge… Please raise your hands up if you have never assumed.  Sorry to digress, I’ve known my husband for 12 years and it will be hard to leave him; yes even if he beats me. There is something about change that rocks our being. Whether it is a change for good or bad; human nature revolts against it. When my friend suffered domestic violence, my voice was the loudest asking her to leave before he kills her. She was 33 years when she finally got married. They had the one child and the marriage was less than a year old. How could she just up sticks and leave? She must have been thinking. However, I was thinking this animal will kill you. I saw domestic violence, she saw a divorcee. I saw life beyond marriage; she saw a married life against all odds.  I saw a monster and a bully, she saw a lover, her husband who gets angry easily. I saw a new beginning, she saw her vows before God and man.

Back to my musing, so I thought long and hard about my life now and if domestic violence were part of it. My girls’ lives would be rocked, I would be back in the dating market ( that doesn’t sound bad). I would be a divorcee and would be regarded as a failure. I kid myself not; a divorcee is labelled as a failure in our part of the world. Gosh! I would have to mind my spending and cut down on the Kurt Geiger shoes….hmmmmmm!!!!! Ok, Tunde please don’t raise your hands against me, let’s resolve our issues amicably and civilly. It is highly possible social implications/ pressure would keep a victim of domestic violence quiet. This would stop her from telling anyone about the ordeal.

My two pence on this is women have a million and one reasons why they stay in that violent marriage. None of those reasons justify a life, I know. However, take a walk in her shoes before you go off ranting about how you would never condone what she’s putting up with. A listening ear, a sympathetic hug, a shoulder to cry on, a text or a phone call might just convince her to leave him. Women, please leave that brute before he sends you on a trip of no return. My friend left him and remarried; yes with her son in tow, she still found a good man. So all hope is not lost for you…….there’s a better man out there for you and he is not named ANIMAL.